rachelward11

I Think it’s Been Too Loud

It’s been a bit since my last post, but I don’t feel like I’ve been putting off my blog or avoiding it. Honestly I feel like my life is a glass and water has been dumped in cup by cup until now the water level is sitting at the brim and anything extra will just spill over and get everywhere. I don’t feel overwhelmed surprisingly. I feel constant but I don’t feel like I need to look for more things to do either (which is odd for me).

My everyday life doesn’t feel overwhelming, but if anything is offered to add to what I’m already doing, my reality brightens up real quick around me and I begin to feel like all the balls I’m juggling is one too many. Even the thought of adding one small golf ball feels like a catastrophe is eminent.

Does that even make sense? I can get up in the morning, get ready for the day, feed my kids breakfast, have them get dressed and cleaned up for the day, the laundry gets rotated, the dishes get washed, and most days I get my boys to do a page or two of school work, and their reading always gets done.

I know that may look like a lot, but it’s really just my basics. I usually can get one or two rooms cleaned, I figured out how to sneak my scripture reading in while I wash dishes, and then I like to get my kids out to play once a day.

But if anyone asks if I’m sending my kids back to school in the fall, if I plan on going to church when it re-opens, if my husband has got any job interviews, or if I have heard the most recent social media update or political outrage I feel like screaming, “Hey! I just noticed my weight is higher then it should be when I looked at a picture posted on Facebook and I’ve started an awesome diet my awesome sister recommended AND I’ve been sticking to it for like 2.5 weeks! Isn’t that enough!?” I’m drinking water, I’m feeding my kids, I draw with side walk chalk more then the average mom, and I have a happy marriage! Isn’t that enough!?

The world has been turned topsy-turvy, there are new and changing rules every day, and it’s my job to keep my family feeling calm, happy, safe, semi-normal, heard, and loved. AND find time to wash my hair occasionally.

In general I feel accomplished. My children are happy and thriving. We have a loose, but basic routine that feels good and comfortable. And even though I know that when my husband finds a job we may have to move, I have been able to keep calm while scrubbing a little extra and de-junking a little more (just in case).

The world needs more listening and less talking, it needs more compassion and less accusing, and it needs more patience and less jumping to conclusions. So for now I will listen when my friends and family talk, I will read the emotionally moving stories flooding my Facebook, and I will love my children and husband.

I can’t fix everything, but I got a box of bandaids, a box of chalk, and a freezer full of popsicles. And today, that will need to be enough. 💜

21 comments

  5. You SHOULD feel “accomplished” for keeping your family happy and safe. If we can all come through this doing just that, I think we have learned something valuable about what is most important.

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  7. This is a wonderful post, Rachel. And although I do not know you and your circumstances deeply, it sounds like you are doing more than enough. And for your kids and family, that is enough. 🙂 Take good care!

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  8. I know what you mean, and it sound like your doing a fantastic job. Especially managing to not get overwhelmed. I’m feeling so overwhelmed with it all at the moment. Questions and judgement is worse than ever at the moment, and I’m fast losing patience with the human race 😂

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  10. Yes, it is enough. Let no one tell you that you have to be doing more or planning for uncertain futures right now when you are already working so hard guiding three human beings through childhood and trying to keep yourself well at the same time.

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  11. I would like you if we ever met.

    I am the picture of calm and normalcy in any situation. I don’t rock boats during turbulent times. I embrace the mundane and I keep others grounded around me….it’s just what I do and how I’m wired. 🙂

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