Today started out well, I got the boys up for school and little miss A slept in while we got ready. I honestly couldn’t complain, I only had to remind Mr. C 5-6 times to get ready and remind Mr. L once.
We got out the door on time, little miss A didn’t yell at anyone, we hit mostly green lights… But a block away from school I heard the dreaded words, “Mom I need green headphones! Back to B house!”
I couldn’t turn around. Mr. L would be late, making Mr. C late. Time schedules are tight in the morning when you got 2 elementary aged kids going to different schools.
So I talked Mr. L through it. I promised him that as soon as I dropped him off and got his brother Mr. C off to school that I would make the trek half way across town again to bring his headphones to him. Honestly it took a bit of convincing, and letting his staff know that I would be right back. But eventually through tears I got him into his classroom.
I hate when I feel like I failed him, especially with something that should have been so easy to achieve and something that I actually did have control over. I mean, does he REALLY NEED the headphones? No, they are more of a comfort. But still, a simple comfort I could have remembered.
I mean, I kept my promise and I came right back with the headphones. And Mr. L has come such a long ways that the rest of his day wasn’t ruined, like it so easily could have been even a year ago.
But still there have been so many times in the 8 years I have known Mr. L that I have sat close by and silently shed tears because even though I was his mom I wasn’t enough. I worked so hard at holding his chubby little toddler hands when he’d try to escape into roads, and a cradled his thrashing body for hours asking myself how I could crack the code to figure out what he so desperately needed. I sang to him, kissed, cuddled, prayed, and called out to him but despite my efforts… I wasn’t enough. He still had meltdowns and when I should have been enough to bring him comfort he cried despite my efforts.
We have done ABA, speech, OT, parent training, flipped every good parenting thing we did on its head, admitted our parenting needed a new autistic point of view and have found success.
So when I can get something right, when it’s as simple as remembering headphones. I kick myself, pick myself up, dust myself off, and add “headphones” to my every day to-do list. So I can try to get it right tomorrow.
What’s something simple that your kid just needs? Or heck, something you just need to get through your work day? Let me know in the comments below.
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