Finding the Right Doctor

Little Miss A sleeping after a Busy Day

If you have followed along with our story so far then you know that our family has moved a lot over the years… 11 times in 10 years but who’s counting? And with most of these moves we have needed to find a new family doctor for the kids each time.

I’ll let you know that we have found a great doctor this time but it took awhile to find him. We first started off with this old guy that was far from great. In my experience old doctors are either kind and have learned that they don’t know everything and are wonderful, or they have hardened over the years of their profession and think they know everything- which is not possible.

This first old guy thought he knew everything. When he heard autism he wanted to know what behavior problems we were having, what were his problems at school, what behavior medications he was on and wanted to offer more of them. No, nooo, & nope. I’m grateful those medications exist and there is a place for them. But autism does not automatically equal the extreme need to be medicated.

We had gone to this doctor for a skin problem, not because my child existed. Mr. L is doing great in school actually, so well in fact that his teacher asked if he wanted to go to a production of the Nutcracker next month in another town and then out to a sit down restaurant with his mainstream peers. Yeah that doesn’t scream for a need to be medicated to me.

This old fella also didn’t believe natural remedies had a place in this world, and he didn’t talk to Mr. L like he was a human. He talked to me and I would gesture and tell him to ask my son the questions. Mr. L was the patient not me. If my son needed further clarification I would be happy to help, but my son is verbal even if he is delayed. This oldster seemed annoyed with us for existing, and his receptionist couldn’t make up her mind if they took our insurance or not. We had to go to this office twice and it wasn’t great.

There were so many red flags.

So when I went on to find a doctor for my other two children, I searched elsewhere and when I found a doctor who:

  • Listened to my children
  • Directed his inquiries to his little patients
  • Asked me if I had any questions & asked if there was anything I wanted to tell him
  • Physically got down to my kid’s level
  • Asked well rounded life questions
  • Was familiar with non-medication remedies and was open to them
  • Had a friendly front office staff
  • Was happy to answer our questions
  • AND
  • Offered my kids suckers & stickers

I felt like just maybe we found the right doctor for us.

Little Miss A made me an Airplane.

When looking for a family doctor the little things really start to add up quickly. How have your experiences in looking for a doctor gone?

20 comments

  1. Our child grew up in a town that had only one pediatric office. We didn’t see the doctors often because they were so busy, and the kind nurses would answer health questions over the phone . . . kind of like today’s virtual doctor visits.

    I love Miss A’s airplane!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Friendly nurses over the phone sound so nice. I’ve never met one who didn’t insist we come in to be seen because they didn’t want to give any advice without looking first. Which can be a real pain when an appointment could have been avoided.
      We’ve been able to do one virtual doctor visit and I loved the concept.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad to hear that you found a great doctor. It is definitely worth the long search and wait as they make such a difference.

    I also like your approach of finding the right fit and asking the questions as you know your children and their needs best!

    We are very lucky to have a family doctor who is open about what he knows and is willing to support in areas that he doesn’t know much about – such as FASD. It was through him that we got a referral to an organization that specializes with those with developmental disabilities and it was a life change referral.

    So good for you and hope this one is a lasting long relationship!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is amazing, a humble doctor who will admit they don’t know everything but then is still willing to go that extra mile to advocate, or network a connection for a patient truly is the best kind of doctor this world needs.

      I have a rare condition that was ignored for years by doctors saying it was nothing. Then I found a doctor who believed me, reached out to specialist that I wouldn’t have known how to contact that put me on a road to coping strategies to help me live a better life.

      I’m so happy to hear that you got that life changing referral, because you are absolutely right. It can be life changing!

      I hope this doctor gets to be a long relationship for my children too 🤞☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh I can’t even go there right now…horror stories with the doctors here in Arizona. Read the book called The Arizona five to find out what a nightmare our healthcare system is like here in this state when it comes to the littlest ones. I believe it has a big part with who happens to be in charge with the Arizona medical association. The doctor in charge was and is still a top doc here in our state, many love him and he just happened to be my children’s doctor at one time. Everyone he sent us to through referrals, to help my children at one time or another, had been under investigation. An investigation he was always on the board with since he is/was the president. He would send us to horrible doctors that are cruel and indifferent towards children with special needs, like they are only there to make them money and lots of it. I could never figure out why this doctor of ours, that we trusted and had been told was the best, would send us to the worst. Thing is, is that, this so called top doc ( I believe he still is president of the AMA board still but it has been years) is also big in the Make a wish foundation with the support of some big corporations. He still scares me to this day. We eventually found a good doctor that was a friend of my husbands and the Top Doc tried going against our new doctor putting him under investigation. My kids were much happier and healthier after they left Top Doc care , we even found a really kind dentist. Top Doc sent us to one that was under investigation for how she would put special needs children who were non verbal into straight jackets and give them crowns. She told me my daughter needed “Princess crowns” on all her little teeth but she had to restrain her and parents were not allowed into the back rooms when they would hear their children cry and scream. This is happening here in Arizona and no one seems to care. It is so disgusting how they get away with so much, but then look who is in charge. If you move here to Arizona and you find a good doctor, keep him, they are pretty rare here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my gosh!!! What a terrifying nightmare!!! I’m so glad that you listen to your gut and don’t put your children in those terrible and evil hands. That dentist and doctor sounds disgusting. I hope they get caught soon. 🥺

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Whoops, forgot to add something about that dentist that puts children in straight jackets. I walked out of her office when I refused to let her do that to my little girl. She got smart with me and said ” Well, what do you want me to do, wave a magic flag and everything will be fine.” I stormed out of the office with my crying kids and went home and cried from such cruel words. Being a mother to special needs children hurts to hear words like that. The dentist called my home to apologize but then she went into her sale of why princess crowns would be the best thing to do for my daughter. She didn’t care that she hurt me and my children, she just wanted my kids to make thousands of dollars from. My daughter never needed those. This dentist takes advantage of vulnerable families.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is just disgusting and heartbreaking. I’m so proud of you for standing up for your daughter. People love to gaslight special needs parents because they see us as easy targets too, but we learn early on to question every adult who will be working with or near our children.
      What a terrifying monster. People think that because it’s 2021 that people with special needs are safe…. Nope. There are still evil people out there looking for easy targets. It’s heartbreaking 😔
      I’m so glad you didn’t let that wicked lady near your daughter again.

      Liked by 1 person

      • We eventually found a really kind dentist that was really calm with my son and daughter. It took awhile for them to even want to go back to a dentist after their experience with that other one. You’re right about having to always look out for your children because they are so vulnerable. You can’t see their disabilities with ASD but they are so vulnerable with real world situations and some people will never understand that unless they have a family member themselves that are on the Autism spectrum. I don’t know if this is just an Arizona thing (and I love my state) but there are so many horror stories when it comes to this state allowing children to be put into harmful situations. The whole system CPS, DDD, and foster care system need a cleaning up. The school districts are also really cruel and indifferent to special needs here in our state. There are great teachers, and good private programs that cost money but not all parents can afford that. I believe that every classroom that has special needs children in it and non verbal children (which my son was for years until I pulled him out of the public school system…he attends a university now and speaks, reads, writes, smarter then me) should have cameras in them so parents can check in to see how their children are doing or how they are being treated. Of course the school unions would hate that.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’m pretty sure the foster care system needs to be cleaned up everywhere in the US. I’ve never heard good things about it 😢
          And doctors/ dentists have always been hit or Miss for us and we’ve lived with autism in 3 states.
          I agree that there are good teachers and not always great schools. I would love for there to be cameras in the special needs classroom. I hope someday that that becomes normalized. If a classroom is full of children with speech delays and cognitive delays- it should have a camera in it.
          I think this should be the case anywhere that cares for those with special needs. That is a wonderful idea.
          That’s amazing that you pulled your child out and now he is verbal and off to college, that is just so cool. You sound like a wonderful and committed mother and I’m amazed.

          Like

  5. It is tough to find Doctors who are knowledgeable about herbal medicines and other alternative healing traditions that do not involve more modern solutions, so I love that you found someone who is friendly and good with kids and treats them like people! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So glad I found your blog. Having a past background in the medical field and now dealing with other challenges, I know first hand how important it is to find the right doctor. It also provides a great deal of hope and peace of mind. Blessings to you and your family in your journey, thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m happy to support dear. This is also a topic I’m extremely passionate about because many, especially specific cultural Dynamics like those with mental health challenges, don’t seek help or are afraid due to barriers like finding a good doctor.

    Liked by 1 person

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