So I missed a week of writing for my blog because I was traveling for a funeral. My grandfather who was almost 94 passed away. No worries though, this was a celebration of life. Like I said, he was almost 94, the love of his life had passed away almost 20 years ago and he had traveled the world with her and then traveled more after her passing. He had lived a good life and had left many loved ones behind.
However on the plane ride home this got me thinking, every time I visit my home state with or without my little family, I feel like I’m falling back in time. I don’t act like I’m a teenager again, or 23- which is how old I was when I moved away with my husband and two small boys. But in the conversations I have and how others talk to me. I mean I still act like I’m in my early 30’s, I make a point to leave my grandparent’s home better then I found it. I take out the basement trash, change light bulbs, etc.
But I feel like my friends and family partly expect me to be the same younger, less experienced, less opinionated child I was when I lived near them. Even if they stalk me on my social media pages, pick up when I call, or read my blog. It’s like there is this disassociated experience going on… Like I’m two separate people?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a terrible thing, except when I have new opinions that they weren’t ready for… But I try not to shock them all at once. But still, I have grown as a person, as a women, a mother, wife, friend, etc. And at times it feels like I’m pulling at glue when relatives try to treat me like they used to and I no longer respond in the same ways. I don’t take teasing- I prefer kindness, I don’t take being coddled- If I can drive across the United States with 3 kids by myself then I don’t need directions to get home, and I don’t listen to people bashing- I want to hear accomplishments and growth instead.
I love these people, I can’t always visit with everyone from my childhood, but I do want them to know they are loved and their friendship is wanted. I just hope that when I disentangle myself from younger behaviors that these people accept that I’ve grown and that they want to still accept me for the newer person I am when I see them in person. I’m not perfect, heaven knows I still have a ton of growing to do, but at the same time, I’m not 17 anymore ya know?
I gotta be honest, I think my dad will always see me as a 16 year old and he will probably always see my husband as an 18 year old? Even though those weren’t the ages when we met- we met in college. I’m fairly confident my father in law will always see me and my husband as 11 year olds, which I suppose is impressive that he thinks we can keep our 3 kids alive. And I think my sister in law sees my husband as a 9 year old and sees me as a capable 19 year old 😜
But I do it too. My older siblings will always be a year or 2 older then me and my little sister has been sitting at 21 in my head despite the fact that I’m pretty sure she actually just turned 30?
Have you moved away from your home town and felt different when you came back to visit? Do you have relatives who will always see you as a little kid or trying teenager? Do you like it? Do you avoid it? I’m curious, let me know in the comments below!